Green Dress Trepidation

It’s lovely, really, just lovely.  The green dress turned out great.  I love it, although I messed up on the hem…but nothing that couldn’t be fixed.

I finished the dress early Saturday morning…turned out the party wasn’t until Saturday night, not Friday as previously thought so there was lots of time to  put my whole look together.  I’m feeling like a princess.  Can’t wait to get all dolled up.

I decided I better do a trial run, you know…just to be safe.  I gather the required elements.  Shoes. Check. Slip. Check. Bra…hmm I know I have a black bra around here somewhere.  Nylons…oh boy…who wears nylons?  Note to self.  Find bra and stop at Walgreens for Nylons.

Good thing right?  Well wouldn’t you know it?  The decollete on this dress is quite revealing and every single one of my undergarments showed!!!!  I’m in control and I’ve still got plenty of time.

I run out for a quick shopping trip.

I found a lovely little number that worked perfectly.

So.  Here I was almost perfectly assembled when it came time for the nylons.

Now I don’t know about you but I haven’t worn nylons in years.  I contorted my body in ways that one just cannot describe.  There is nothing worse in life, short of a wedgie, that can be more uncomfortable then the waist band of a pair of pantyhose around the hips before the pantyhose are wiggled into place.  I think I am permanently indented.

It baffles me how these things stretch around a plus size body!

BUT

I

AM

BEING

SEVERED

IN

HALF!

Oh no.  Could it be possible that the green dress goes down in flames due to control top panty hose?  Panic.

I’m off to Lane Bryant.  There must be something there for me.  What about these?

I’ve heard they can perform miracles.

I come home, pull these out of the package, get them over the thigh…shoe horn them over the hips and pull up over the bulges.

I feel like a stuffed sausage but certainly not as bad as my previous experience.

I’m in.  Hope I don’t have to go to the ladies room.

I put the dress on and I’m looking great.  People.  I’m looking great!

But I feel like crap.  How can this be?  I don’t think I can breathe!  I don’t think I can do this.  My panic turns to disappointment.  I’ve worked all week for this and I’m faced with a situation of going to the event feeling like a stuffed sausage, completely uncomfortable.

I know I can’t project happiness if my face is revealing how I really feel!

Friends.  I lasted 30 minutes.

45 minutes before we left I tore through my closet to find my old stand-by velvet stretch pants and a matching tunic.  Thank God I kept it!

All is not lost though.  This morning I’ve pinned in the location to cut the dress off into a tunic to be worn with my old stand-by velvet stretch  pants…for the next time…

The green dress will live again!

~Cathy